Friday, May 17, 2013
It seems that John Key is so impressed by David Shearer's powers of deduction and razor-sharp mind, that he cannot help but praise his opponent.
The other, less likely, alternative is that Key believes David Shearer is a massive coke fiend.
The Hound of the Baskervilles tells the story of a mysterious death, and relates the legend of a diabolical supernatural beast, which I suppose must be the "devil-beast" referred to in Key's speech.
Unfortunately for Key, the person who wrote his speech appears never to have read The Hound of the Baskervilles. Far from hunting the "devil-beast", Sherlock Holmes is convinced from the outset that an entirely rational and natural explanation exists for the activities of the infernal hound. In the end Holmes uncovers a sinister plot designed to fool everyone that supernatural forces are at work, and saves the day.
So David Shearer should be flattered by the comparison with Sherlock Holmes, puzzling though it may be.
However, the news is not so good for Dr Norman. Holmes' sidekick, Dr Watson, is a brave and steady companion, but he comes across as simple-minded when compared against the brilliant detective, and his own deductions are almost always hilariously wrong. I think that's a bit rough on poor Dr Norman.
Thursday, May 16, 2013
|Labour leader and diabolical master of puppets, David Shearer|
Labour Party MPs have rubbished claims by John Key during his Budget speech that Labour are the "Devil-Beast".
The Prime Minister made the comments during a fiery debate over Bill English's budget.
"It will be about National versus the Devil-Beast", Mr Key said of the 2014 election.
"I know who I'll be voting for, and it won't be the Devil Beast", he continued, pointing towards the Labour benches.
But Labour Party leader David Shearer was quick to rubbish claims that Labour are the Devil Beast Party.
"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn", said Mr Shearer.
"Thax thftaunag sha'a'g fta 'aftuar ru' ru'ts-huna ftiaxa't ang shas shax'g sathkfta sha arru'gaftfta huiatung th'utut. Bias aftft shax''a guung ut 'alaasung shau' huftftugh l'unuta su gas suiagh un thuianthuftt u'a' 'atuia'tha thuntanst. Is't suna su gas 'aaft", said Shearer, as he tore the head off one of his junior assistants and drank deeply of her virgin blood.
Labour's Finance spokesperson David Parker was also scathing of Bill English's budget, claiming that it "gug nushung su agg'att sha rianganansaft unftaftanthat ghhuthh gha'a ana'gung un sha athununx".
Parker illustrated the point by referring to previous Treasury forecasts, and by emitting a monstrous crypt-like stench of corruption and filth.
Parker said Labour would not be responding further to John Key's taunts, as a dark and malevolent force due to rise from the pits of Labour's caucus room just after midnight would take care of matters for all eternity.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
I don’t like the MMP review. The review by the Electoral Commission was well-written and considered a lot of complex issues, but I just don’t like it. Maybe it’s their choice of font, or the paper they used.
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Monday, May 13, 2013
|An artist's impression of a soulless John Key|
Under the terms of the deal, SkyCity will spend approximately $402 million on the construction of a world-class convention centre.
In return, SkyCity will be granted an extra 230 poker machines and 40 more gaming tables, and the King of Hell will take John Key’s soul for eternity.
|Under the deal Judgement Day will be postponed until at least 2048,|
and those who enter Sky City Casino will be cleansed of all sin.
I haven’t had time to analyse the Sky City deal in much detail, but it looks like a big win for taxpayers. Look at some of the benefits:
Friday, May 10, 2013
David Shearer: Thanks, team, for coming to this special meeting. I know you’re all busy and have places to be, but this is important. You all need to know that we’re about to get some heat over our Electoral Act stuff-up, and it’s probably going to be unpleasant.
You know who else refused to go quietly when his time was up?
|Could it be happening all over again?|
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
|A dinosaur, a dragon, and Aaron Gilmore. |
Only one of these is a monster.
More shocking revelations have emerged today about embattled National Party list MP Aaron Gilmore.
In the latest dramatic twist, a man has told Newstalk ZB's Mike Hosking that Gilmore once told him he would no longer be his friend.
(Read the original A day in the life of Patrick Gower here)
Some serious questions have to be raised about the cornflakes, after I chose toast for my breakfast. The inability of the cornflakes to inspire me for the third day running leaves toast in the ascendancy, and it’s another monumental failure for the Kellogg Company.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
|Absolutely Positively Mordor?|
Prime Minister John Key has told a group of Takapuna business leaders that Wellington is dying.
"The reality is even Wellington is dying and we don't know how to turn it around. All you have there is government, Victoria University and Weta Workshop", said Mr Key.
Monday, May 6, 2013
|"Building a vast mansion even as the company you operate is collapsing all |
around you... well, that could happen to anyone."
Investors in Hanover Finance have moved quickly to help the company's former head, Mark Hotchin, after a Herald on Sunday story revealed that he was struggling in poverty in Australia.
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Friday, May 3, 2013
|Unpredictable weather sent by God is affecting business confidence|
Last week you decided to spread rain across much of the country, while in other parts of New Zealand you allowed the sun to continue shining.