The 2009 Imperator Fish Awards - Vote Now or I Kill You!

It’s that time of year when we start to review the events of the last 12 months.

And because I'm the Christmas grinch, I've decided to go negative. It's always easier to slag someone than to praise them, especially when the good work done by our leaders often goes unnoticed.

And one too many Christmas functions means it's just too much hard work to write anything approaching insightful analysis. I don't get paid for this gig.

So from villains and fools to mere windbags, allow me to introduce to you the people who have annoyed, irritated or disgusted me during 2009.

So tell me what you think. You can vote on the right hand side of the page. And if you don’t agree with my nominees, tell me why in the comments below.

Here are the categories and the nominees.

2009’s Most Villainous

Which of the below people or organisations has disgusted, offended, aroused or incited you?

Tiger Woods – For maintaining a squeaky clean image while living a life of debauchery that would have made a Roman Emperor blush.  Apparently some people care about this kind of thing.

Hone Harawira – He will always have Paris, but we will always know him for that expletive-riddled email that many called racist.

Clayton Weatherston – Mr Stabby was Public Enemy Number One for many weeks. Has he faded from our nightmares yet?

Brian Tamaki – For services to culty pledges.

Mark Hotchin and Eric Watson – These Hanover Finance bosses continue to live the high life while investors, many of them elderly, struggle to cope with their financial losses. At least Hotchin has faced up to investors at public meetings. Where is Watson?

The Church of Scientology – In the news a lot this year for various cover-ups, deceptions and all-round nastiness.

2009 Worst politician award

The minor parties are well represented this year. And National does well too. Labour's been mostly quiet, with only one nominee.

Hone Harawira – For almost destroying the Maori Party, and for email abuse and general bad behaviour.

Anne Tolley – Easily the worst performing of the Cabinet ministers, which is impressive when you consider the Cabinet includes Maurice Williamson.

Melissa Lee – A walking disaster who should never be allowed to talk to the media ever again.

Richard Worth – Another walking disaster, now gone from politics.

David Garrett – Never in the news for the right reason. An embarrassment to his party, which is saying something.

Chris Carter - Too much travel. Too much playing the victim. His "is it 'cos I is gay?" defence didn't find much sympathy. Comparing the PM to Mussolini was probably not the smartest move.

2009 Most deserving of a smack award

These nominees were all victims of violence this year. For one victim it was a fatal but well deserved blow.

Rod Petricevic – The former Bridgecorp high flyer was roughed up by a disgruntled investor outside a restaurant. He still drives around in a Porsche and lives the high life, despite the poverty his company has inflicted on many.

Silvio Berlusconi – If ever a man deserved to be smacked on the chops with a statue, it is this odious little politician.

John Boscawen – Together with Heather Roy he represents the “non-batshit-crazy” wing of the Act caucus. During the Mt Albert by-election someone stuck a lamington on his bald head. Being a good sport, he continued with his speech. A lamington wasted?

Barack Obama’s housefly – This nominee paid the ultimate price. A fly buzzed Obama during a TV interview, and Obama snapped it. Dead. Don't mess with this Kenyan commie tyrant.

2009 Fossil of the year

This award recognise those who continue to live in the past. Their views are old fashioned, often tedious, and never remotely relevant.

Joanne Black – There's a reason her Listener column is on the back page. Because although you've thrown the magazine down in disgust within a few moments of beginning that Black column, you've already read the rest of the mag. Her column template comprises a whinge about her children or their school, an attack on bureaucrats, and general bemusement at new trends.

Don Brash - The world has changed since the 1980s. Nobody told Don. His 2025 report went down like a turd on the ballroom floor.

Garth George – The quintessential '50s "little New Zealander" rails against the evils of our godless society on a weekly basis.

2009 Fool of the year award

This is the supreme award. And this year's candidates are an impressive lot.

Michael Laws – For week on week nuttery.

Paul Henry – For incoherent ranting and making disparaging remarks about others on air.

David Garrett – The Act Party MP can’t keep his mouth shut. Still, it's hard to when your foot's always in it.

Orly Taitz – For continuing to insist Barack Obama is Kenyan born, for heroic resistance in the face of reality, and for general legal ineptitude.

Andrew Williams – For late night texting, idiotic comments, and for embarrassing the good folk of the North Shore.

Cameron Slater – Too many reasons to list. If you need reminding just read his blog. Better still, just don't go there.

Now vote, or I'll steal the presents from under your tree,
unless you be Jewish
or a grinch like me.