John Key - Genius

It's amazing what a bit of time under the Hawaiian sun does.

Because John Key apparently has a secret plan to end whaling in the Southern Ocean. But he won't tell us what it is - it's a secret, stupid!

I wonder what other secretive but genius plans he has been coming up with during his holiday. Here are my picks.

• Setting and meeting ambitious carbon reduction targets without actually doing anything.
• Closing the income gap with Australia by doing exactly the opposite of what the Australians did.
• Raising educational standards by ignoring experts who say your plans won't work, and proving that currency traders and accountants know more about education than those education-expert-type-persons.
• "Getting tough" on criminals and actually reducing crime in the process.
• Joining the SAS and singlehandedly winning the war in Afghanistan by taking down the Taliban leader in a knife fight.
• Being photographed with more All Blacks.

With these kinds of ideas, maybe Key should go on holiday all year round.