I may have rumbled one of the most sinister and disturbing conspiracies imaginable. This may be even more serious than the Government's secret plan to dissolve communism tablets into our drinking water.
Let me tell you how this discovery came about. I was having coffee with a workmate this morning, opposite the ferry terminal on Quay Street, when he pointed out something interesting.
One of the ferries sitting at the terminal was flying a pair of unusual flags.
My workmate, who is a fount of much useless information, and who clearly had nothing better to do, went away and found out what the flags were.
The two flags are nautical signal flags. The yellow and black one is apparently the "Lima" flag. It is also known as the "Yellow Jack".
When a ship flies the Lima flag in port it means "quarantine". In other words, PLAGUE SHIP!
The other flag is the "Papa" flag, also known as the "Blue Peter".
Do you see where this is going? Those nautical types - ship captains, and crusty old sea dogs - clearly have it in for us. Why else would they be attempting to lure us on board this pestilential boat?
Clearly, you need to avoid this boat - DON'T GO ON BOARD!
But you just can't save everyone, and so inevitably some will accept the deadly invitation. What horrors will await them? Smallpox? The Bubonic Plague? An Amway sales pitch?