Call That Tripe? I'll Show You Tripe!

Paul Holmes has written about why the Waihopai trio should have been found guilty:

I'll spare you the pain and summarise:

• America should be allowed to act with impunity, because 9/11 was so awful, and American lives are more important than the lives of other miscellaneous foreign people.
• The accused were scruffy looking.

He also believes all you have to do to get off a criminal damage charge is plead "claim of right", and the magic legal genie will do the rest.

Anyway, this coming week, I'm going to drive around our district putting sugar in the tanks of some of the biggest tractors I see working the neighbouring fields because they use too much diesel.

If I am charged I shall plead "claim of right" - I simply had to destroy the tractors because their carbon footprint threatens countless lives and, what's more, I really believe I have the law on my side to do so.

Wish I could be on that jury.

******

Meanwhile Kerre Woodham has finally revealed what we all suspected - she is a mole for US intelligence, an operative planted deep in the heart of the New Zealand media.

In today's column she wrote:

But one thing is for certain. All the tosh coming from these men about their non-violent action achieving significant things and saving the lives of the women and children in Iraq is just that - tosh.

Ripping a plastic dome in the peaceful valley of Waihopai hasn't prevented one drop of blood from being spilled in Iraq.

Nobody outside the intelligence community really knows what goes on in Waihopai, what the information gathered is used for, or what the effect on intelligence gathering the attack on the dome had. But Kerre knows. It's obvious - she's one of them.

******

Finally, a message to the newspaper that hired the abovementioned two.

So, Herald on Sunday, how do I get me some of this column-writing? I can write similar tripe in record time, and if the money is good I too can be unprincipled, forgetful of previously contradictory positions taken on major issues, and angry as hell. "It just isn't right!" See?

Call me. You know I can save your bacon.