For Immediate Release
Law Commission President Sir Geoffrey Palmer says he takes seriously claims that the organisation is out of touch with youth.
“When we published our report on the effects of alcohol on society, we were widely criticised. Some people called us a pack a wowsers and kill-joys, and claimed we were targeting young people with our proposed measures to curb the drinking culture in this country.”
Sir Geoffrey says the alcohol measures recommended were not intended to target the young, but he understands why the perception exists that the Law Commission is out of touch with young people.
“I take these matters seriously, and I want to improve how we deal with youth issues. The Law Commission is an organisation for all New Zealanders.”
Sir Geoffrey says the Law Commission must take immediate steps to re-engage with young people. To achieve this goal the Law Commission has announced the following measures:
- From 1 July the organisation will be renamed MC Geoff and the Law Krew Posse.
- Official reports will be written in a language that young people can relate to. Txt abbreviations and emoticons such as LOL, LMAO, and :-\ will be used wherever possible. And all sentences should end with the word “innit”. The word “like” will be required to appear at least three times in each sentence.
- Most current reports contain an abundance of graphs and charts, but these images are failing to engage young people. Instead, pictures of hip-hop artists will adorn report pages.
- Sir Geoffrey has reluctantly agreed to get a celebrity girlfriend. This may cause some domestic difficulties for the Law Commission head, but Sir Geoffrey believes some sacrifices are inevitable. Enquiries are being made to see if any Shortland Street starlets are available for “consultancy” roles.
- Justin Bieber will be the new spokesperson for the Commission.
- Submissions to the Commission will now be by way of rap-off between interested parties.
“I believe the children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way. Show them all the beauty they possess inside. Give them a sense of pride to make it easier. Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be.
“Everybody searching for a hero. People need someone to look up to. I never found anyone to fulfil my needs. A lonely place to be. So I learned to depend on me.
“I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadows. If I fail, if I succeed, at least I live as I believe. No matter what they take from me, they can't take away my dignity.
“Because the greatest love of all is happening to me. I found the greatest love of all inside of me. The greatest love of all is easy to achieve. Learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all.”