Sir Roger's Greatest Hits

It's a sad day when one of our greatest ever finance ministers decides to bow out of politics.

I sure do miss Dr Michael Cullen.

Another former Labour finance minister announced he will retire this year. As a tribute to the man who, for better or worse, reshaped our nation, here are some of Sir Roger's Greatest Hits from previous Imperator Fish posts. 

Sir Roger Apologises For Recipe Confusion (16 May 2009)

ACT MP Sir Roger Douglas was forced to apologise today after his Recipe to Grow the Economic Cake went disastrously wrong.

In case you missed it, here is Sir Roger's recipe:

Yield: An equitable serving for all

Ingredients
2½ cup Productivity
1½ cup Fiscal Responsibility
1 cup Sound Infrastructure Investment
6 eggs Full of Savings
3/4 cup Free Trade
6 tablespoons of Choice in Health and Education
2 teaspoons of Skilled Migration
1 teaspoon of Government

Ingredients for Icing
9 tablespoons Tax Cuts (more to taste)
7 oz sweet Economic Freedom
½ cup Entrepreneurial Spirit

Method
• Preheat economy oven
• Combine all ingredients liberally, taking care to restrain the amount of Government as too much will prevent the cake from rising and will create a bitter taste.
• Take a laissez-faire approach to cooking time, avoiding the temptation to adjust the settings.
• Once the cake has cooled, apply icing liberally.
• Enjoy the extra large servings – Bon Appetite!

Variations
• If you want a smaller cake as Labour delivered, increase Government expenditure, restrict trade, increase taxes and introduce Government central planning.

Douglas's apology came after numerous people complained of uncontrollable poverty, social dislocation and severe pain to the finances.

"I got it wrong," Sir Roger explained. "I mixed my recipes up. That was my Poverty Pie recipe. I hadn't used it since some time back in the 1980s. I'm sorry if people didn't like it."

Sir Roger has now sworn to stay out of the economic kitchen. But he did let this reporter in on one of his other concoctions. "Rodney and the boys tell me this stuff is dynamite," he said, speaking about his Special Economic Rat Poison formulation. "It kills almost everything. Apply this liberally to your country and I guarantee only the biggest meanest rats will be left alive."

Sir Roger's Special Economic Rat Poison

Yield: Generations of poverty and social upheaval

Ingredients:
4 cup discredited economic theories
1/2 cup tax cuts for the wealthy
5 cups of asset sales
3 heaped tablespoons of Choice in Health and Education (note: this ingredient is hard to find. It may also be known as "If You're Rich Enough You Get Genuine Choice, but if You're Poor then Tough Luck")
500 gms of cuts to welfare
1 packet of mass unemployment
liberal doses of meanness

Method
Throw the ingredients together as quickly as you can. Speed is essential. Don't worry if you get it wrong - you don't have time to consult or check whether you're doing it right.

When the toxic fumes are almost overpowering, let the mixture rest on a Round Table for a while.

Now your mixture is ready to use. Remember that the more you use the better the results will be.

Happy hunting!
 
Douglas: Deregulate Sterilisation Sector Now (4 March 2010)

ACT MP Sir Roger Douglas has expressed support for David Garrett’s plan for bad parents to undergo voluntary sterilisation.

“At first I thought ‘hello, David’s been into the turps again,’” said Douglas. “But then I went away and had a think about it. David’s plan needs some work, but it could just be what the sterilisation sector needs.

“Incentivising people is what ACT is all about. But we are also about freedom of choice. I like the idea of putting $5,000 back into the hands of ordinary hardworking Kiwi child-abuser battlers. But we need to give those molesting monsters real choice about what to do with that cash.”

Douglas said it was important for the state not to interfere with consumer choice.

“Let the patient choose the sterilisation provider. Give these hardworking deviants the right to decide for themselves who is going to have their nuts off. We’ll give them the $5,000 and they can then use that money to find the most appropriate service provider.

“Some people will choose the premium surgical service, while others will be content to keep the cash and just use a couple of bricks or a pair of scissors. I also expect we’ll see a range of providers competing against each other for work. You will see a number of full medical facilities springing up, together with the back-of-the-van operations involving straps, a knife and a bottle of brandy.

“Consumers benefit when there is competition in the market. And it is high time the sterilisation market was deregulated.”

Douglas said he did not know whether his other colleagues supported the plan. But he believed that the plan was consistent with ACT’s core principles.

“We have no business telling hardworking child-abusing parents what’s right for them and their families. This is an area the state should not get involved in. It is a matter of personal choice.”