I’ve been blogging on and off for about three years. It’s been fun, but I’m sure you’ll agree it’s time to take things to the next level.
I think it’s time I had a newspaper column. Don’t you?
So newspaper editors, just to prove how good I could be for you, I’ve set out below a sample of my work. I realise I’ve missed the deadline for the next round of Sunday papers (and I would make an awesome Sunday paper columnist!), but feel free to use this material in next week’s edition.
My column:
It’s about choice, run by a crowd of unionists and teachers, pragmatism, time to get tough, we face some hard decisions, no free lunch, taxpayer dollars, parents should have the choice, unionists stuck in a 1970s timewarp, hard work never killed anyone, we simply can’t afford it, I wouldn’t run a business that way, bureaucrats out of touch, some of my best friends, steady as she goes, treaty grievance industry, DPB deadbeats, fiscally responsible measures, Maori criminals, lazy self-interested teachers, tree huggers, rent-a-crowd protesters, making the tough calls, culture of entitlement amongst the young, climate change con, welfare babies, no self-discipline, blame the parents, ivory towers, politically correct, anything goes, I’m not against it but what about the kids? gravy train, unrealistic expectations, breeding machines, socialists, always someone else’s fault, John Key understands the gravity of the situation we face, writing blank cheques, extravagant lifestyles funded by the taxpayer, sterilisation, don’t trust scientists, standards, laziness, what will they come up with next? they only have themselves to blame, plenty of jobs for those willing to work, when I was younger, it would cripple businesses, we’re too soft, liberal handwringers, the Bible had something interesting to say about that too, Labour’s out of touch, I always follow my gut instinct, and I hate teachers, and science has never interested me, and evidence is such a long word.
Saturday, July 7, 2012
8 comments:
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Fantastic work Scott but you forgot the mandatory spelling errors- I think the average for my Sunday paper is at least 2 per article.
ReplyDeleteWTF was that? Am I missing the joke here?
ReplyDeleteyes. :-)
DeleteScott has written a column for a Sunday newspaper. They're going to run it tomorrow, but under someone else's byline, and Scott won't get paid. The joke is on him.
DeleteWait, they actually pay people to write that stuff?
DeleteIt's a nice start, Scott. But the absence of references to "common sense" and "least we end up like Greece" mean it is missing key requirements for the forum you are targeting.
ReplyDeleteRest assured that my second draft will include all of those terms, as well as "snouts in the public trough", "feral", and "your average man on the street".
DeleteYou could add "dodgy immigrants" (or indeed, a whole editorial on your armchair views about immigration), "there was a guy named Hitler who had the same idea", and some long-winded analogy to something some All Black once said/did.
ReplyDelete