Since the right are trying to distract us all from the Dotcom clusterf**k by running Labour down, let's play the same game.
Matthew Hooton has ranked Labour's front bench, and not surprisingly he gives almost every one of them a savaging. Admittedly, there may be the odd kernel of truth in some of his comments.
But fair's fair. Let's do the same for National.
John Key, Leader - 3/10 John Key's leadership is looking increasingly shaky, and since the 2011 election he has floundered from one crisis to the next. Key blundered badly over the Teapot Tapes, and his decision not to sack John Banks looks like a major miscalculation. His failures in the Dotcom case and convenient memory lapses have eroded his credibility, and his pragmatic centrist approach towards politics that the public once loved him for is now being seen for what it always has been: a simple lack of principles. Increasingly gaffe-prone, and lacking any sort of plan for the economy, John Key appears to be on the way out. Will he hang around for the inevitable defeat in 2014? His ego probably won't allow it. Expect Key to be gone in 12 months.
Bill English, Deputy Leader - 1/10 Four years into National's reign, English is still blaming the stuttering economy on Labour. It is clear that English hasn't the faintest idea how to get sustainable growth into the economy, because the narrow ideological mindset he operates within doesn't allow him to look for other options. It's easy enough to blame the global economy for our woes, but we have had a record commodities boom and still we are struggling.
Steven Joyce - 3/10 Joyce talks a lot, but mostly about why the opposition parties haven't got a clue. Apparently because to otherwise discuss National's plan's for growth and economic development would highlight the fact that there really isn't much there beyond "build more roads". Touted as a future National Party leader, but only by those who have never had to listen to one of his speeches.
Judith Collins - 5/10 Collins talks tough, but is also prone to the occasional disastrous lapse in judgement. Her decision to suing Trevor Mallard and Andrew Little for defamation looks increasingly like a spectacular miscalculation. She has performed reasonably well in her portfolios, although she is struggling with the ACC mess she inherited from the woeful Nick Smith. One of the better performers, but will she have a shot at the leadership when Key bails? And will her ambition prevent her from staying loyal as the wheels begin to fall off the National machine?
Gerry Brownlee - 0/10 Increasingly despised by the folk of Christchurch for his arrogant musings and disdain for local democracy, Brownlee is a walking disaster. He needs to be kept well away from the public.
Tony Ryall - 6/10 Best known for being a micromanager who drives the people he works with to distraction, Ryall has nevertheless managed to keep the usually troublesome health portfolio off the main pages of the news media. For that alone he deserves much credit. National's most capable performer.
Hekia Parata - 0/10 The gift to the opposition that keeps giving, zero seems like too high a score for this crisis on legs. Who would have thought teachers would now be looking back fondly at the last education minister? Parata combines a considerable lack of ability with a fearsome arrogance. She knows almost nothing, yet she knows she's right. It will be a miracle is she isn't found another job (High Commissioner to Niue?) very soon.
Chris Finlayson - 3/10 Despite being Attorney General, Finlayson has been happy to go along with National's questionable and controversial law changes, including the extraordinary powers given to law enforcement agencies under the new Search and Surveillance Act. A prickly character who enjoys putting others in their place, Finlayson's sense of self-regard is probably not an asset as far as the voters are concerned.
Paula Bennett - 1/10 Bennett barely held her seat in the 2011 election, a sign that more and more people have seen through this self-styled "Westie Chick". A former beneficiary who used government money to get ahead, she now seems intent on denying others the opportunities afforded to her. Bennett appears to have no tools in her arsenal beyond cracking down on beneficiaries whose lives are already hard. She is also happy to ignore privacy laws where it suits her political agenda. This bully will probably lose her seat in 2014.
David Carter - 1/10 Largely invisible.
(Yes, this is a highly partisan post. That was kind of the point. My only regret is that I wasn't paid by a newspaper to write it.)