Police say they are in shock, after the random search of a hipster’s car revealed a CD of Fleetwood Mac’s greatest hits.
The discovery was made after police stopped an erratically-driven vehicle on Auckland's Ponsonby Road yesterday afternoon.
Constable Tony Walters said the car, a 1972 BMW, had pulled out suddenly into the road, forcing other vehicles to take evasive manoeuvres to avoid it.
“We pulled the gentleman over, and I immediately became suspicious. I could see he was rummaging around in the car’s glovebox, as if he was trying to conceal something,” said Constable Walters.
Constable Walters said he initiated a search of the car pursuant to the Misuse of Drugs Act.
“As he stepped out of the car I could see he was a typical hipster. They all are in these parts. They wear their skinny jeans, funny glasses, and vintage clothes, and their hair looks casually unkempt in the way only an hour in front of a mirror can really achieve.
“The gentleman claimed he was running late to an important lecture on dialectical materialism. He said he respected me as an autonomous human being, but found the attitude of law enforcement authorities towards the citizenry in general bordered on the totalitarian.
“I had to look that last word up when I got back to the station.”
The constable then searched the car, but found no drugs.
“I started with the glovebox, but it appeared at first glance to contain nothing more than a Green Party pamphlet, a Jim Jarmusch DVD box set, a glossy magazine filled with arty photos, and a vegan cookbook.
“But something at the bottom of this pile caught my eye. It appeared to be a CD case. I was staggered. I would have expected to find vinyl, but not a compact disc.”
Constable Walters said he was shocked at what he found in the CD case.
“I've been working this part of town for almost two decades, but I never thought I’d see the day when a hipster would be caught carrying Fleetwood Mac’s Greatest Hits.”
A more thorough search of the car revealed a large collection of CDs from other bands, including The Eagles, Dire Straits, U2, and The Feelers.
“I don't know anything about those CDs. It’s my father’s car” said the driver, 24 year old hipster Levi Hollis. “He lets me drive it sometimes, when I need to go out to collect a double trim soy latte or meet hipster Grey Lynn women for no-commitment casual sex.”
But Constable Walters said the car was registered in the name of Mr Hollis.
Subsequent police questioning of Mr Hollis revealed a number of other inconsistencies in his story.
“His real name is Wayne, not Levi” said Constable Walters. “He’s a gasfitter, lives in Massey, likes rugby league, and shops at Hallensteins. We found a stash of Big Ben pie wrappers underneath one of his car seats, and a crate of Lion Red in the boot.”
Police uncovered further evidence that they were not dealing with a regular hipster.
“The music CDs had me suspicious," said Constable Walters. "What finally nailed him was the bundle of Apple products in the front passenger seat. There were some MacBooks, and a stack of iPads and iPhones.
“Usually I think nothing of finding so many Apple products in a hipster’s possession. The hipster upgrades his or her Apple products every time there is a new release, so we expect to find discarded Apple gear in their vicinity.
“But we ran the serial numbers, and it turned out that he’d nicked the lot and was off to a mate’s place to flog them off.”
Mr Hollis has been charged with theft and appeared in the Auckland District Court this morning. He has been remanded on bail.
He told reporters he was sorry for what he had done, but insisted he was an authentic hipster.
“Those CDs the cops found prove nothing”, said Mr Hollis.
“Millions of people now know about Fleetwood Mac, but I was listening to them before they were famous.”