Monday 3 December 2012
Press release: Imperator Fish
Blogger welcomes Lawful Evil runner-up award
Imperator Fish blogger Scott Yorke is pleased with his ranking as runner up in the Lawful Evil category in the Tumeke NZ Blogger Alignment Awards 2012.
While disappointed to be beaten to the supreme award by Kiwiblog’s David Farrar, Mr Yorke said he was delighted to be rated so highly by the award’s judges.
“I put a lot of effort into being evil this year,” said Mr Yorke. “Second is a pretty good effort, considering the fierce competition I was up against, and it gives me something to focus on for next year.”
Mr Yorke admitted he did not really know what Lawful Evil meant.
“I understand it has something to do with roleplaying, but I'm too intimidated by the thought of having to trawl through Dungeons and Dragons websites to find out,” said Mr Yorke.
“I like the 'evil' bit of the award though. I've been really focusing on expanding my range of evil posts this year. And it’s seen my blog readership grow steadily to the point where last month Imperator Fish was the tenth most read political blog in the country, according to Open Parachute’s blog rankings. I'm actually number 19 on the official list, but ahead of me are a bunch of blogs about craft and religion, and surely they don’t count.
“Those blog rankings perhaps represent my most evil achievement of the year. I don’t have a great deal of time for blog ranking systems, but it was an easy decision to add myself to the Open Parachute list once I realised it would turn Giovanni Tiso purple with rage.”
Mr Yorke said that, although he was delighted with the award, the reasons given by the judges were somewhat puzzling.
“I feel a bit of a fraud, actually. I'm not entirely sure how pricking the inflated ego of another blogger would ever count as evil, unless for argument’s sake that inflated ego belonged to someone beyond all reproach, like Nelson Mandela or Jesus Christ.
“But on reflection, my actions in posting someone else’s personal details on my blog were pretty despicable. And by ‘posting’ I don’t mean including a person’s mobile number in the body of a blogpost. No, it’s worse than that! I actually included in a blogpost a link to another website! A website that was already very much in the public domain, judging by the vast number of hits that were being directed from it to my own site; a website which unnoticed by me had on the bottom of one of its pages a phone number that happened to belong to the aggrieved blogger in question.
“But then it gets worse! Not only did I only post the link to make it clear I had nothing to do with the website, but I also disabled the link when the blogger in question complained I was ‘publishing’ his details.
“Truly this series of events makes me a remorselessly evil piece of work. I’m only one small step away from drowning kittens for a hobby.”
Colleagues of Mr Yorke said they were pleased with the award, and they hoped to see more success for the evil blogger.
“This is well deserved” said Yorke’s mentor and special life companion Cameron Slater. “I have spent years building up a formidable reputation as a character assassin, but what Scott did made even me want to vomit. He gave us all a masterclass in depraved evil.”
Dr Bryce Edwards, whose Political Round-up column in the New Zealand Herald regularly refers to Yorke’s blog, said it was pleasing to see some reward coming from his collaboration with the blogger.
“Scott and I talk all the time about how we can get more and more Imperator Fish blogposts into the news. It’s an arrangement which has proven fruitful for both of us. He pays me handsomely for every Imperator Fish post I refer to in my column, but he pays me even more to omit posts from the Tumeke blog.
“Scott’s generosity has allowed me to live a lifestyle travelling all the great cities of Europe and staying in all the finest hotels. I’m so glad for him, but next year we’re gunning for number one.”
Mr Yorke said he had big plans for his blog, and would be aiming for the top Lawful Evil spot in 2013.
“Of course, that will depend on whether the people behind the Tumeke blog run the awards in 2013, or are too busy on other things. I can only imagine how hard it must be to juggle the operations of an award-winning blog with the day to day demands of a thriving real estate practice.”
Monday, December 3, 2012
24 comments:
I welcome comments, but I ask commenters to follow a few simple rules:
1. I delete anonymous comments. Please use either a name or moniker. I am not asking anyone to reveal their secret identity. Just don't call yourself "Anonymous".
2. Please don't abuse or defame others.
3. Moronic or nonsensical comments may be deleted.
4. I don't often exercise the heavy hand of censorship, but I do reserve the right to delete any comment I don't like, for any reason.
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You and Bomber should kiss and make up ...
ReplyDeleteHow would that be any fun?
DeleteMy sentiments exactly. I'm still getting over being rated in the same evil category as Cameron Slater, even though Mr Bradbury admits I am not as evil as Whaleoil. I shall have to try harder; grrrrr!!
DeleteThere is no depth to my pit of evil...i have plumbed the depths repeatedly and the bottom is yet to be found.
DeleteErnest Newman once said, the higher the voice, the smaller the intellect. In Marvyn Bradbury's case, never a truer word has been said.
ReplyDeleteWhy should anyone really bother with what Bumber has to contribute. He’s an aging politically compromised activist way past his use by date that no amount of tattooing and overinflated self-importance can redeem.
But as is the way in NZ with 'hasbeens' he may continue to grace our screen at timeslots and on stations where he will slowly sink into anonymity and end up with only his sycophantic supporters to share and delight in his sheltered existence.
The secret to jumping a bit higher is photoshop Scott. Until you can shop your enemies head onto a turd/fat person/animal/ fatanimalpornstar you will not fulfil your destiny. And you might want to consider more cow bells. Nothing ever suffered by adding cowbells
ReplyDelete"Mr Yorke admitted he did not really know what Lawful Evil meant."
ReplyDeleteLet me put it in terms all right-thinking and properly socialised people will understand. You are Spiros Vondopoulos to DPF's Stringer Bell.
(http://mightygodking.com/2010/12/09/alignment-chart-week-the-wire/)
David is a black man with a goatee...perhaps I am being too literal.
DeleteI know you can;t type my name but what character am I on this evil spectrum?
Oh, I CAN type it. I just prefer not to.
DeleteYou'd be one of them little baldheaded bitches.
I feel sorry for you Andrew.
DeleteMe too. But it's the innocents around me who truly deserve pity. They didn't ask for this.
DeleteThank you Andrew. That is the nicest compliment I think you've ever given me.
ReplyDeleteJust don't double cross any Black Muslims, is all.
DeleteI think Bummers comment comparing Mr Yorke's special life companion to Candyman might have been inspired by Mr Geddis, Mr Geddis obviously lives in mortal fear of his vag falling off if he ever types the words Cam and Slater.
ReplyDeleteOh, I see what you did there, Barnsley. You called me a GIRL!
ReplyDeleteCarry on like that and you'll have me staining my pinafore with tears.
No only Phil Heatley can do tears
DeleteLawful Evil means "You're Hitler". So that's another internet rule proven (again).
ReplyDeleteGo on. Type those two little words Andrew. What could possibly go wrong?
ReplyDeleteWhat ... and ruin all the fun? Next you'll be trying to broker peace between Scott and Bomber, love between Cactus and Lynn, and understanding between Pete George and everybody else in the blogosphere.
DeleteThen how would we amuse ourselves?
Andrew.
ReplyDeleteActually I have already advised Scott to calm down a bit. If he ever wishes to sell or buy a property in Auckland again he really needs to suck it up and make peace with Martyn.
I have it on very good authority that Scott is named in the REINZ book. He will be living in a tent in the deep dark depths of North Waikato if it gets any worse.
As for Lynn. He operates on a plain of consciousness far above anything a normal mortal is worthy of understanding. It is rumoured that the Wachowski brothers stole the script for their Matrix trilogy from Lynn after watching him write the whole thing in 15 minutes whilst simultaneously designing the three handed chess game recently featured in an episode of the big bang theory.
Lynn was so enraged at this theft that he caused Larry to spontaneously change gender.
Such is the power of Gods coder.
So, no. I will not be attempting to engage him in much the same way I would not look directly at an eclipse.
But I see no mention of Pete. Is that a challenge beyond us all?
DeleteAttempting to engage Pete should only be attempted after consuming dangerous levels of Red Bull and gaffer taping a pillow to your head.
ReplyDeleteAs a middle aged fatty with gout I feel it is a task best attempted by somebody a lot younger than I.
I don't need to discuss Cactus because I have insurance photos.
It hasn't crossed your mind intellectual and political superiors may not be my target demographic? Experts in engagement should see this, if they don't drink too much of their own bull.
Delete(Please note, this is a passing comment, not an attempt at engagement).
That was a lucky escape. The vanilla asteroid just skirted the periphery of this blog causing only minor damage.
ReplyDelete