What Labour Needs To Do

... is round up all the bloggers and commentators on the left with an opinion on Labour's woes, lock them all in the same small room for days on end until they are ankle deep in their own excrement and overwhelmed by the foetid stench; then drag them outside, wash them down, give them clean clothes, and send them on their way.

We Need A Hero

It cannot reasonably be disputed that the right continues to dominate mainstream political discourse and commentary in this country.

The success of the right can be put down in part to the success of some of the right's leading bloggers. Those bloggers have become columnists and editors, and are regularly called upon by radio stations to provide punditry.

Santa's Leadership Under Threat After Rowdy Christmas Conference

The 618th North Pole Christmas Conference closed yesterday, leaving Santa and his helpers deeply divided, and exposing ugly rifts within the organisation.

The three day conference, which took place in a secret grotto in the far north of Canada's Quttinirpaaq National Park, attracted delegates from all major regions of the North Pole.

Shock Discovery In Hipster's Car

Police say they are in shock, after the random search of a hipster’s car revealed a CD of Fleetwood Mac’s greatest hits.

The discovery was made after police stopped an erratically-driven vehicle on Auckland's Ponsonby Road yesterday afternoon.

Ten Reasons Why Andrew Hore Is Not To Blame

• If you slow the tape of the incident right down, I mean really really slowly*, you can see that the Welsh player appears to be moving his right hand towards his hip. That bulge at his side could just be a fold of rugby jersey, or the guy could be concealing a weapon. It was self defence.

• In some parts of the world knocking a Welshman out would probably have earned Hore a reward. In the English city of Chester, for example, an ancient law permits the shooting of Welshmen with a bow and arrow inside the city walls and after midnight. So tell me again, what did Hore did wrong?

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Labour's 2012 Conference In Pictures

A conference delegate listens intently as Deputy Leader Grant Robertson speaks

A Message From David Cunliffe

I TOLD YOU WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU DID THIS!

Transcript Of Labour Party Caucus Meeting

David Shearer: Thanks everyone for attending this special caucus meeting. I know the last few days have been tumultuous ones, but we need to address the behaviour of one of our caucus members.

Trevor: Yeah, and we all know who.

Some Advice To Labour's Leader

1. Be strong. Be decisive. Cunliffe must be punished for his disloyalty. Although David Cunliffe has done nothing wrong, so you should not punish him too hard. In fact, Cunliffe is the victim in all of this. Any punishment should be meted out to others, those who created this gigantic mess in the first place. Like Chris Hipkins, who spoke out so aggressively against Mr Cunliffe. Of course, Hipkins might have been speaking out on your instructions, in which case you're the one to blame, and you owe Hipkins an apology for making him do your dirty work. On the other hand, Cunliffe has been plotting with mischievous intent, so stick to the original plan and punish him and promote Hipkins for being so loyal, before punishing Hipkins.  Except Cunliffe hasn't done anything wrong. Unless he has. Don't listen to the lies other people are spreading, unless it suits you to do so, unless in doing so you find yourself acting unethically, unless you have some "greater good" argument to justify acting unethically in the short term. Be your own man. Be strong, be inclusive and accommodate your enemies, and crush them too. Don't put up with disloyalty, but dissent and debate are healthy signs so long as nobody questions you. Are you going to tolerate that sort of backstabbing? There are too many people trying to tell you what to do. Don't listen to anyone else. Follow your heart and just do what's right. Are you writing this down?

I Am Backing David

I've been surprised at the volume of unadulterated garbage written about what is going on within the Labour Party.

A Day In The Life Of Patrick Gower

5:08 am

Just asked David Cunliffe the big questions: "Does David Shearer have your full support? How will you vote if the leadership issue is put to the vote in caucus?" He won't answer me. I ask him again. Still no answer. My cameraman suggests we come back later and try again, when Cunliffe's awake. We climb out his bedroom window.

A Leader's Speech?

David Shearer today delivered a strong speech to the Labour Party conference. It's an address few of his detractors will like, because he devoted insufficient time in his speech to bringing the dead back to life, healing the sick, or walking on water.

Labour Conference 2012: A Summary So Far

Just a short post on a few points about Labour's 2012 conference.

A Day In The Life Of Sherwin T. McFadden, Broadcaster And Blogger

7:29 am

Was that the door? Oh my God, they’re here! I knew that one day the fascists in their jackboots and brown shirts would smash down my door and take me away. Didn't I warn everyone that this was where it was all going to lead? This is all the mainstream media’s fault. They wouldn't have dared to come here if only TVNZ had given me my own show.

We're Number One!

American business magazine Forbes has ranked New Zealand as the best place in the world to do business.

New Zealand is usually ranked at or near the top of most international surveys that measure business-friendliness or economic freedom.

So Who Won?

Judith Collins has settled her defamation suit against Trevor Mallard and Andrew Little.

Some are calling it a victory for Collins, others for Little and Mallard. Eddie and Anthony Robins at The Standard call it for the Labour MPs, while David Farrar calls it for Collins.

Mass Murder Fantasy Of The Week

I know Anders Breivik was a nutter but at times like this I must confess to thinking that if someone rolled a grenade into the Ellerslie Racecourse convention room this weekend that NZ might be a safer place.

From where else?

UPDATE: The commenter has now earned 50 demerit points from DPF for his/her effort.

A Statement From Hekia Parata

A statement from Education Minister Hekia Parata to concerned parents, teachers and children in the Christchurch area 

I am aware that a lot of teachers, students and parents in Christchurch are expressing concern about the future of their schools.

A Day In The Life Of That Labour MP

9:46 am

I am weary, for I have slept little. But I cannot linger here, as there is work to be done.

Last night was a late one, as I plotted with my minions in a secret chamber beneath the Michael Joseph Savage Memorial. There we feasted on the blood of virgins, made our diabolical plans, and prayed to dark unholy things, until at last a portal opened up from the underworld. We saw things that frightened and thrilled us, and left us trembling in a mad anticipation for the things that must soon pass.

Please Remove Brain Before Entering

For all the fuss and noise about the Labour Party and its leadership, aren't we in danger of losing sight of the issues that really matter?

Not Playing

I have to agree with David Farrar on one thing. I suspect he has been around politics far too long, if everywhere he looks he sees plots. Farrar may be guilty of wishful thinking.

Time To Go?

Shane Jones has recently been attacking policies and positions supported by his own party, and taking positions at odds with the majority of his caucus. He was at it again late last week.

US President Ends Victory Celebrations As Crisis Looms

US President Barack Obama is facing his first crisis since being re-elected, after celebrity couple Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez announced they were breaking up.

A Funny Thing Happened

If I said that Kate Wilkinson had the blood of the Pike River miners on her hands I would be rightly booed and jeered, and accused of politicking over the men's deaths.

In Praise Of John Key

I am filled with admiration for our Prime Minister.

The latest employment figures are a disaster, and appear to show that this government does not know how to grow the economy.

Obama Victory Speech Electrifies Faithful

Barack Obama yesterday celebrated his US presidential race victory by giving a stirring speech to his supporters.

The newly re-elected President electrified a huge crowd in his home-town Chicago last night, with a soaring speech about hope and change.

How About It, Mr Obama?

Dear Mr Obama,

If you're doing nothing much at the end of your four year presidential term, would you mind popping over here and sorting us out?

Yet Another Day In The Life Of The Sensible Blogger

8:34 am

Reading the morning newspaper has left me in despair over the way our politicians behave. The country has struggled through the last few years of economic downturn, but standing up in Parliament and asking hard questions of the government is no way for an opposition leader to behave.

Harry Hindenberg: Not The Life For Me

The latest column from Papakura solicitor Harry Hindenberg

It looks as if it’s been a big news day, but I’ve really struggled to keep track of all the developments, due to my work commitments. Nobody really understands how difficult it is to dispose of a body until they have to do it themselves.

John Key Says Dumb Things

The PM has got himself in trouble after using the word "gay" to mock a radio host, only days after calling football star David Beckham "thick as batshit".

My US Presidential Endorsement

I promised earlier today that I would formally endorse one of the US presidential candidates.

It has become traditional in the days preceding an election for some media organisation to put their support behind one of the candidates.

I Will Endorse One Of The Presidential Candidates

At 8:00 pm tonight I will endorse one of the candidates for President of the United States.

It could be a turning point in the campaign. And it will happen right here!

A Day In The Life Of Rodney Hide

3:13 am

Woke up screaming again. The old memories come flooding back the moment I put my head on the pillow. Although I survived the last mission into the foothills of Northern Pakistan, we lost a lot of good men, and something in me was changed forever. I can't even begin to describe the things I've seen, the people I've killed, the good friends I've lost over the last couple of years. War is hell.

And On The Forty-Fourth Day

When David Shearer was chosen as Labour Party leader I told a few people that we needed to give him a year to settle into the job.

I've been critical of Shearer at times, but I have not called for him to be replaced. I have always said "let's give the man 12 months as leader, and then we'll see."

David Shearer has 43 days to go.

My Resignation From The Truth

Dear Cameron,

Firstly, congratulations on taking the role as editor of The Truth. I am genuinely delighted for you.

But I am also writing to you with a sense of regret, because I am also tendering my resignation from the writing team at The Truth.