David Shearer's many faults are clear for all to see. He is too soft and nice for politics. His treatment of David Cunliffe also shows him to be far too nasty, arrogant and power-crazed to hold office. He is too right-wing, too left-wing, too centrist, and a neoliberal to boot. His policy proposals are both too timid and too radical. He is weak and has allowed himself to be dominated by a few in caucus, even as he ruthlessly dispatched to the back-benches a caucus member who challenged him. Labour's rise in the polls in recent months is a mere accident, because everyone who reads the blogs knows Shearer's not up to the job. And those people who write the blogs sure know a thing or two, don't they?
Showing posts with label cricket. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cricket. Show all posts
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
New Zealand Cricket: Ten Reasons To Be Positive
A casual observer of the New Zealand men's cricket team might be forgiven for thinking that things were about as bad as they could possibly be.
The sacking of Ross Taylor, and Jesse Ryder's lack of desire to return to the national team, would appear to point to problems at the top.
The sacking of Ross Taylor, and Jesse Ryder's lack of desire to return to the national team, would appear to point to problems at the top.
Friday, November 11, 2011
Which Is The Lucky Country?
Consumer confidence is down, manufacturing slumped in October, Europe is teetering on the edge of economic meltdown, unemployment is up, the government is running a massive deficit, we’ve had a credit downgrade, economic growth is stagnant, the gap between rich and poor continues to widen, the cost of living is rising for most people, and the country has experienced a succession of natural and man-made disasters in the last year.
Many people will be wondering if they might be better off across the Tasman.
But it's much much worse in Australia. They were all out for 47.
Many people will be wondering if they might be better off across the Tasman.
But it's much much worse in Australia. They were all out for 47.
Monday, January 24, 2011
My Cricket World Cup Squad
The Cricket World Cup is only a few weeks away. In this post I take a look at the squad of 15 to go to the Indian sub-continent, and give my assessment of the team and our chances.
The Team.
John Key (captain)
Key has been a consistent performer with both bat and ball for New Zealand over the last few seasons. He has been the leading run-scorer in New Zealand domestic cricket for the last two seasons running, and has taken wickets at critical times in crucial matches. Some commentators have suggested that Key has been lucky, and that some of his many wickets have been off bad balls, but it's also a sporting cliche that good players seem to have more luck.
Key is a respected and popular leader, but some former players have suggested that his captaincy is lacklustre and conservative. In the last test series against Australia, when New Zealand came up short yet again, Key was criticised for not having a plan to keep us in the game, and for lacking urgency, even though he led the averages for New Zealand in the series. He will have to sharpen up his act if we are to win tight games and exert sustained pressure against the top teams.
Phil Goff (vice captain)
Many picked that this right-hander would not make the tour party. His batting has been disappointing of late, and Goff hasn’t got a score of 50 or more in international games since 2007. He can be a match-turner with his slow-medium dribbles, especially on slow wickets. However, in recent domestic games batsmen seem to have had no difficulty in picking him off, and he conceded a lot of runs in the recent domestic 20-20 competition.
It is clear that Goff has been picked on reputation alone, rather than on form. Some commentators say he is a big-match player who will rise to the occasion when the pressure is on. Others are saying that he is past his best, and that this tournament was the perfect opportunity to blood a younger player.
Bill English
English has been in a form slump for the past couple of seasons, and this will almost certainly be his last chance to impress. English will likely open the innings or bat at three. A traditional sort of opener, he has eschewed the flashier style of some modern openers in favour of the long graft and the methodical accumulation of runs, however long that may take.
English’s approach isn’t really suited to the shorter version of the game, but the selectors have shown a loyalty towards him that flies in the face of his modest achievements. He will be competing with David Cunliffe for a place in the playing eleven.
Paula Bennett
Bennett brings a real excitement to the crease with her batting, even if in terms of results her recent performances have left something to be desired. She is back in the team after a stint playing overseas.
"Basher" Bennett is known for her ability to hit the ball, and to keep it hit. It looks good when it comes off. Unfortunately she also has a tendency to throw her wicket away at critical times with rash strokeplay, and Bennett’s technical deficiencies are well known. Bennett's inclusion in the squad is a gamble, but the selectors will be aware that they lack explosive players. She could be a match-winner or a disaster.
Simon Power
An aggressive wicketkeeper and opening batsman who plays an expansive game and likes to dominate the bowling. Regarded as a future captain, Power displays a confidence and (some say) arrogance that makes him a potentially potent weapon.
However, some have questioned whether Power can continue to both open the batting and keep wickets without burning out. In recent weeks he has looked tired. Maybe it is time he took a break and gave someone else the wicketkeeping gloves.
Tony Ryall
The real backbone of the team, and the best slip fieldsman in the country. Ryall’s no-nonsense approach to the accumulation of runs is in sharp contrast to the flashy approach of his opening colleague Simon Power. Ryall has been near the top of the domestic batting averages this year, and will be looking to continue that sparkling form. Mr Dependable in the field, Ryall is a safe pair of hands in the slips.
Trevor Mallard
On a good day and on the right wicket Mallard’s slow left-arm offspin can be almost unplayable. He’s been a reliable performer with the ball, and a useful lower-order batsman, but incidents off the field and have marred what should have been a more successful career. Mallard is also known as an expert sledger, and tends to wind opponents up.
Mallard is a fighter, and his boxing experience may come in handy in the tougher games.
Pete Hodgson
One of the stalwarts of the team for the last few seasons, Hodgson announced at the start of the season that he would retire after the World Cup.
The injury prone bowler has had a mixed year. His aggression is admirable, but he has lost much of his pace. In domestic cricket Hodgson has captured a few wickets, but has also conceded a lot of runs.
In the domestic one-day final in 2009 John Key savaged Hodgson's bowling, smashing him all around the park. However, in the 2010 four-day final Hodgson managed to secure the prize wicket of Pansy Wong at a critical time, turning what looked like a certain defeat into a creditable draw.
But touring the sub-continent is demanding, and this may be one tournament too far for the ageing bowler. Will his body hold up?
Judith Collins
A fired up Collins with the new ball in hand is a sight to behold. You can almost see the terror in the eyes of batsmen when Collins runs in to bowl. Her express pace and lethal array of bouncers and short bowling will be effective on any fast bouncy wicket.
Unfortunately, the types of pitches the team will be playing on in the subcontinent won’t suit Collins' style. On the slower pitches she will be easier to hit, and may go for a few too many runs.
David Cunliffe
A batsman in the classical mode and a smooth performer with the bat at number five. Nobody hits a cover drive as elegantly as Cunliffe.
Cunliffe has been around the team for a couple of seasons and looks to have the potential to cement a permanent position in the starting eleven, if he has a strong tournament. His mediocre average does not reflect his potential.
Andrew Little
The only new cap in the squad, Little’s been around the domestic scene for a few seasons now, and has performed well with both bat and ball. The left-hander has been quietly impressing, accumulating runs and wickets with his medium pacers. A capable fieldsman and potential future leader, Little ought to prosper if given the chance.
Tariana Turia
A nuggety performer with the bat at 6, Turia was called in to the squad late as a replacement for Hone Harawira, who failed a fitness test. Turia was at her best in late 2008, but her form has since withered, and she seems to have lost some of the explosive power that made the diminutive number 6 one of the most effective middle order players in the country. Selecting Turia her is a risk.
Grant Robertson
A recent addition to the team, this leg-spinner hasn’t put a foot wrong yet. A useful lower order batsman when quick runs are needed, Robertson is also developing into a classy bowler. His ball that turns the other way is a potentially devastating weapon on a turning pitch. This tournament will hopefully bring out the best in Robertson.
Gerry Brownlee
The player opposition teams love to hate. A useful number three, Brownlee had a poor start to 2010, but has recently recaptured the form that first got him selected to the team, after a big score in the recent Christchurch test. He looks unfit, though, and his slowness between the wickets could be a problem in tight games.
David Garrett
The shock pick of the squad. Garrett had announced his retirement from international cricket last year, withdrawing after a series of lurid revelations in the tabloid media about his personal life. It is not known why the selectors sought to woo him from retirement. But with injuries or unavailability ruling out a number of other players (Steven Joyce, Annette King, Anne Tolley, Russel Norman), the selectors may have been concerned about the risk of blooding someone inexperienced.
The medium pacer who can bat a bit, Garrett is famously hopeless in the field, having dropped a number of critical catches in the last one-day tournament he played in. Garrett is also known for his fiery temperament and disciplinary problems, and has been before the authorities on more than one occasion. A potential handful for any team leader to deal with.
Our Chances
In previous tournaments we’ve got as far as the semi-finals, but this year we’ll struggle. With a team lacking star performers, we should be content to get as far as the Super Eights round.
The Team.
John Key (captain)
Key has been a consistent performer with both bat and ball for New Zealand over the last few seasons. He has been the leading run-scorer in New Zealand domestic cricket for the last two seasons running, and has taken wickets at critical times in crucial matches. Some commentators have suggested that Key has been lucky, and that some of his many wickets have been off bad balls, but it's also a sporting cliche that good players seem to have more luck.
Key is a respected and popular leader, but some former players have suggested that his captaincy is lacklustre and conservative. In the last test series against Australia, when New Zealand came up short yet again, Key was criticised for not having a plan to keep us in the game, and for lacking urgency, even though he led the averages for New Zealand in the series. He will have to sharpen up his act if we are to win tight games and exert sustained pressure against the top teams.
Phil Goff (vice captain)
Many picked that this right-hander would not make the tour party. His batting has been disappointing of late, and Goff hasn’t got a score of 50 or more in international games since 2007. He can be a match-turner with his slow-medium dribbles, especially on slow wickets. However, in recent domestic games batsmen seem to have had no difficulty in picking him off, and he conceded a lot of runs in the recent domestic 20-20 competition.
It is clear that Goff has been picked on reputation alone, rather than on form. Some commentators say he is a big-match player who will rise to the occasion when the pressure is on. Others are saying that he is past his best, and that this tournament was the perfect opportunity to blood a younger player.
Bill English
English has been in a form slump for the past couple of seasons, and this will almost certainly be his last chance to impress. English will likely open the innings or bat at three. A traditional sort of opener, he has eschewed the flashier style of some modern openers in favour of the long graft and the methodical accumulation of runs, however long that may take.
English’s approach isn’t really suited to the shorter version of the game, but the selectors have shown a loyalty towards him that flies in the face of his modest achievements. He will be competing with David Cunliffe for a place in the playing eleven.
Paula Bennett
Bennett brings a real excitement to the crease with her batting, even if in terms of results her recent performances have left something to be desired. She is back in the team after a stint playing overseas.
"Basher" Bennett is known for her ability to hit the ball, and to keep it hit. It looks good when it comes off. Unfortunately she also has a tendency to throw her wicket away at critical times with rash strokeplay, and Bennett’s technical deficiencies are well known. Bennett's inclusion in the squad is a gamble, but the selectors will be aware that they lack explosive players. She could be a match-winner or a disaster.
Simon Power
An aggressive wicketkeeper and opening batsman who plays an expansive game and likes to dominate the bowling. Regarded as a future captain, Power displays a confidence and (some say) arrogance that makes him a potentially potent weapon.
However, some have questioned whether Power can continue to both open the batting and keep wickets without burning out. In recent weeks he has looked tired. Maybe it is time he took a break and gave someone else the wicketkeeping gloves.
Tony Ryall
The real backbone of the team, and the best slip fieldsman in the country. Ryall’s no-nonsense approach to the accumulation of runs is in sharp contrast to the flashy approach of his opening colleague Simon Power. Ryall has been near the top of the domestic batting averages this year, and will be looking to continue that sparkling form. Mr Dependable in the field, Ryall is a safe pair of hands in the slips.
Trevor Mallard
On a good day and on the right wicket Mallard’s slow left-arm offspin can be almost unplayable. He’s been a reliable performer with the ball, and a useful lower-order batsman, but incidents off the field and have marred what should have been a more successful career. Mallard is also known as an expert sledger, and tends to wind opponents up.
Mallard is a fighter, and his boxing experience may come in handy in the tougher games.
Pete Hodgson
One of the stalwarts of the team for the last few seasons, Hodgson announced at the start of the season that he would retire after the World Cup.
The injury prone bowler has had a mixed year. His aggression is admirable, but he has lost much of his pace. In domestic cricket Hodgson has captured a few wickets, but has also conceded a lot of runs.
In the domestic one-day final in 2009 John Key savaged Hodgson's bowling, smashing him all around the park. However, in the 2010 four-day final Hodgson managed to secure the prize wicket of Pansy Wong at a critical time, turning what looked like a certain defeat into a creditable draw.
But touring the sub-continent is demanding, and this may be one tournament too far for the ageing bowler. Will his body hold up?
Judith Collins
A fired up Collins with the new ball in hand is a sight to behold. You can almost see the terror in the eyes of batsmen when Collins runs in to bowl. Her express pace and lethal array of bouncers and short bowling will be effective on any fast bouncy wicket.
Unfortunately, the types of pitches the team will be playing on in the subcontinent won’t suit Collins' style. On the slower pitches she will be easier to hit, and may go for a few too many runs.
David Cunliffe
A batsman in the classical mode and a smooth performer with the bat at number five. Nobody hits a cover drive as elegantly as Cunliffe.
Cunliffe has been around the team for a couple of seasons and looks to have the potential to cement a permanent position in the starting eleven, if he has a strong tournament. His mediocre average does not reflect his potential.
Andrew Little
The only new cap in the squad, Little’s been around the domestic scene for a few seasons now, and has performed well with both bat and ball. The left-hander has been quietly impressing, accumulating runs and wickets with his medium pacers. A capable fieldsman and potential future leader, Little ought to prosper if given the chance.
Tariana Turia
A nuggety performer with the bat at 6, Turia was called in to the squad late as a replacement for Hone Harawira, who failed a fitness test. Turia was at her best in late 2008, but her form has since withered, and she seems to have lost some of the explosive power that made the diminutive number 6 one of the most effective middle order players in the country. Selecting Turia her is a risk.
Grant Robertson
A recent addition to the team, this leg-spinner hasn’t put a foot wrong yet. A useful lower order batsman when quick runs are needed, Robertson is also developing into a classy bowler. His ball that turns the other way is a potentially devastating weapon on a turning pitch. This tournament will hopefully bring out the best in Robertson.
Gerry Brownlee
The player opposition teams love to hate. A useful number three, Brownlee had a poor start to 2010, but has recently recaptured the form that first got him selected to the team, after a big score in the recent Christchurch test. He looks unfit, though, and his slowness between the wickets could be a problem in tight games.
David Garrett
The shock pick of the squad. Garrett had announced his retirement from international cricket last year, withdrawing after a series of lurid revelations in the tabloid media about his personal life. It is not known why the selectors sought to woo him from retirement. But with injuries or unavailability ruling out a number of other players (Steven Joyce, Annette King, Anne Tolley, Russel Norman), the selectors may have been concerned about the risk of blooding someone inexperienced.
The medium pacer who can bat a bit, Garrett is famously hopeless in the field, having dropped a number of critical catches in the last one-day tournament he played in. Garrett is also known for his fiery temperament and disciplinary problems, and has been before the authorities on more than one occasion. A potential handful for any team leader to deal with.
Our Chances
In previous tournaments we’ve got as far as the semi-finals, but this year we’ll struggle. With a team lacking star performers, we should be content to get as far as the Super Eights round.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Key To Open For The Black Caps?
So the economy is shot to hell, and our political leaders don't seem to know or care how to fix it.
Let's instead focus on the important things. Like the cricket.
Prime Minister John Key was leading from the front today. He may have dropped the ball on the Pike River issue (Phil Goff has rightly slammed him for being all promises at the time of the disaster but leaving all decisions since then to others - couldn't Key show some leadership on this issue?), but he was in imperious form at the Basin Reserve this afternoon. In the words of TV3 reporter Andrew Gourdie:
So could our PM be NZ cricket's secret weapon? Naturally, I'm not suggesting for a moment that he would have the wicket-taking potency of a Richard Hadlee. No, Hadlee could never take wickets while sitting in a chair, so can't be compared to our PM.
I wonder if Key could open the batting too. He is so beloved of humanity that I'm sure the other team would feed him runs.
Let's instead focus on the important things. Like the cricket.
Prime Minister John Key was leading from the front today. He may have dropped the ball on the Pike River issue (Phil Goff has rightly slammed him for being all promises at the time of the disaster but leaving all decisions since then to others - couldn't Key show some leadership on this issue?), but he was in imperious form at the Basin Reserve this afternoon. In the words of TV3 reporter Andrew Gourdie:
Prime Minister John Key entered the commentary box for some words of wisdom in the final session; precipitating another breakthrough for the New Zealand skipper, getting rid of Asad Shafiq.Key does a guest commentary stint, a wicket falls while he's on air, and now Key's a genius. It figures.
So could our PM be NZ cricket's secret weapon? Naturally, I'm not suggesting for a moment that he would have the wicket-taking potency of a Richard Hadlee. No, Hadlee could never take wickets while sitting in a chair, so can't be compared to our PM.
I wonder if Key could open the batting too. He is so beloved of humanity that I'm sure the other team would feed him runs.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Trouble In NZ Cricket?
Mark Geenty of the Dominion Post reports:
NZ cricket clearly has problems, and especially with the quality of our one-day and T20 sides. But this is not simply because we lack quality players. The problems may go deeper. The interference by management with what should be purely a selection decision suggests there are problems at the top. Shouldn’t we be leaving selection decisions to the guys who are, well, selectors?
John Wright's tenure as national coach has had a rocky start, with cricket boss Justin Vaughan forced to over-rule Brendon McCullum's omission from the Twenty20 squad to face Pakistan.One has to wonder how the collective wisdom of so many great past and present players (between the selectors, the captain and coach they have 310 test caps, 615 ODI caps 15327 test runs and 10721 ODI runs) can be overruled by someone who, while a handy cricketer in his time, failed to make a lasting impression (6 tests, 18 ODIs, a batting average in both codes of about 18, and 26 wickets in total).
McCullum's name was added to the squad yesterday after Vaughan, the NZC chief executive, intervened when he became aware McCullum was upset at being sidelined without a fitness test.
The Dominion Post understands the selection panel of Mark Greatbatch, Glenn Turner and Lance Cairns, along with new coach Wright and captain Daniel Vettori, decided to omit McCullum from the three-match series due to his back soreness, so he would be fit for the first test in Hamilton on January 7.
A source said the explosive batsman was "devastated" after being told of his omission by Greatbatch, and this was conveyed by an unknown person to Vaughan on Tuesday.
NZ cricket clearly has problems, and especially with the quality of our one-day and T20 sides. But this is not simply because we lack quality players. The problems may go deeper. The interference by management with what should be purely a selection decision suggests there are problems at the top. Shouldn’t we be leaving selection decisions to the guys who are, well, selectors?
Friday, October 22, 2010
How Can Nobody Be To Blame?
It would have been interesting to listen in on the discussions at New Zealand Cricket when Daniel Vettori and Mark Greatbatch fronted up to explain why the team performed so poorly.
They must have been pretty convincing, because not only do they keep their jobs, but apparently no significant changes are proposed for the upcoming tour of India.
There probably isn't that much they can do at this late stage anyway, other than drop some players. This close to a tour it isn't feasible to dump anyone in the management team. So if players are to be axed, who would they get rid of?
When players fail to fire that badly you can either pin the blame on the players themselves, or the management structure supporting them. Ultimately it is the role of the players to go out there and get runs and wickets. Good management can help, but it won't make the difference between a series victory and a 4-0 drubbing.
So we don't have the right players. You can forgive the younger ones for failing to perform. They're junior and Bangladesh is a tough place to tour. It's not as if domestic cricket in this country truly hardens players for intimidating conditions.
But there were enough senior players on tour (e.g. Vettori, McCullum, Mills, Taylor) to have ensured that, even if the younger ones failed, someone would step up. Yet the tour stats show that some of the juniors were better performers. For example Kane Williamson got a century and led the tour batting averages.
So something is wrong. To do nothing won't suffice. If the problem isn't the management then it's the senior players. India will be rubbing their hands together at the prospect of playing New Zealand. Let us pray we show more resolve than we did in Bangladesh.
They must have been pretty convincing, because not only do they keep their jobs, but apparently no significant changes are proposed for the upcoming tour of India.
There probably isn't that much they can do at this late stage anyway, other than drop some players. This close to a tour it isn't feasible to dump anyone in the management team. So if players are to be axed, who would they get rid of?
When players fail to fire that badly you can either pin the blame on the players themselves, or the management structure supporting them. Ultimately it is the role of the players to go out there and get runs and wickets. Good management can help, but it won't make the difference between a series victory and a 4-0 drubbing.
So we don't have the right players. You can forgive the younger ones for failing to perform. They're junior and Bangladesh is a tough place to tour. It's not as if domestic cricket in this country truly hardens players for intimidating conditions.
But there were enough senior players on tour (e.g. Vettori, McCullum, Mills, Taylor) to have ensured that, even if the younger ones failed, someone would step up. Yet the tour stats show that some of the juniors were better performers. For example Kane Williamson got a century and led the tour batting averages.
So something is wrong. To do nothing won't suffice. If the problem isn't the management then it's the senior players. India will be rubbing their hands together at the prospect of playing New Zealand. Let us pray we show more resolve than we did in Bangladesh.
Monday, October 18, 2010
The Day Sutcliffe Top Scored With Eleven
The Herald asks if the 4-0 loss to Bangladesh is NZ cricket's lowest moment yet.
It certainly isn't. This is:
It would take a masterfully inept performance to come close.
Update: NZ cricket great John Reid says the Bangladesh result is worse that the 26. Well he would, wouldn't he? He'd be quite pleased to get that particular monkey off his back. But I think he's also being a bit insulting towards Bangladesh. They are improving. Unlike NZ.
It certainly isn't. This is:
It would take a masterfully inept performance to come close.
Update: NZ cricket great John Reid says the Bangladesh result is worse that the 26. Well he would, wouldn't he? He'd be quite pleased to get that particular monkey off his back. But I think he's also being a bit insulting towards Bangladesh. They are improving. Unlike NZ.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Get Your Own House In Order First
New Zealand cricket boss Justin Vaughan has lashed out at the behaviour of drunken All Blacks fans at last weekend's game in Melbourne.
He says he was embarrassed by the behaviour of drunk, aggressive, and obnoxious All Black supporters*.
But if you're the CEO of a sporting body and you decide to have a crack at supporters of a rival sport, it's probably a good idea to come to the debate with your hands clean.
Unfortunately, cricket has long struggled with the behaviour of drunken yobs. That behaviour has frequently manifested itself in the throwing by spectators of bottles and other debris at opposition players, the hurling of abuse from the sidelines, and all sorts of other unpleasant behaviour late in the day of many tests and one-dayer. Nor are the the players themselves blameless, and many have been known to behave disgracefully under the influence of alcohol, including one current member of the Black Caps team.
Moreover, let us not forget the role of alcohol companies in supporting and sponsoring cricket. Their money keeps the sport going.
The behaviour Vaughan complains of is not a rugby thing: it is societal. All of our major sporting codes, including cricket, have played a major role in fostering the culture of drinking among sportspeople and fans. Unless NZ Cricket is prepared to turn its back on alcohol sponsorship, clamp down on drinking at venues, and impose zero-tolerance of yobbish behaviour at cricket matches, Vaughan should probably keep his mouth closed.
* As an aside, I've often been embarrassed by the on-field performances of our cricket players. It's not easy being a Black Caps supporter.
He says he was embarrassed by the behaviour of drunk, aggressive, and obnoxious All Black supporters*.
But if you're the CEO of a sporting body and you decide to have a crack at supporters of a rival sport, it's probably a good idea to come to the debate with your hands clean.
Unfortunately, cricket has long struggled with the behaviour of drunken yobs. That behaviour has frequently manifested itself in the throwing by spectators of bottles and other debris at opposition players, the hurling of abuse from the sidelines, and all sorts of other unpleasant behaviour late in the day of many tests and one-dayer. Nor are the the players themselves blameless, and many have been known to behave disgracefully under the influence of alcohol, including one current member of the Black Caps team.
Moreover, let us not forget the role of alcohol companies in supporting and sponsoring cricket. Their money keeps the sport going.
The behaviour Vaughan complains of is not a rugby thing: it is societal. All of our major sporting codes, including cricket, have played a major role in fostering the culture of drinking among sportspeople and fans. Unless NZ Cricket is prepared to turn its back on alcohol sponsorship, clamp down on drinking at venues, and impose zero-tolerance of yobbish behaviour at cricket matches, Vaughan should probably keep his mouth closed.
* As an aside, I've often been embarrassed by the on-field performances of our cricket players. It's not easy being a Black Caps supporter.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Mr Hitler, That's Just Not Cricket!
So it turns out Adolf Hitler* was interested in cricket.
Hitler challenged some British POWs to a game, though we don’t know who won.
Still, imagine if the Germans had picked up cricket, albeit a more violent version. It’s interesting to ponder the rule changes that might have been required:
The future leader of Nazi Germany was taught the basics of the game by First World War POWs, BBC broadcaster John Simpson found.I'm not surprised. All the most notorious monsters of the last 100 years (Robert Mugabe, John Howard, John Major) have been keen on cricket.
But according to his new book about 20th century reporting, the corporation’s World Affairs Editor discovered the Fuhrer later became frustrated with the game’s complex rules and tried to rewrite the game’s laws.
He had “advocated the withdrawal of the use of pads” because the “artificial bolsters” were “unmanly and un-German”.
Hitler challenged some British POWs to a game, though we don’t know who won.
Immediately after the end of the match, Hitler declared the game “insufficiently violent” for German Fascists.It’s hard to imagine a more brutal game than old-time cricket. Up until the 1970s nobody wore much protective equipment. They didn’t wear helmets, so when someone bowled short stuff you really were in fear for your life. If you think I’m exaggerating read this story about the NZ cricket tour to South Africa in 1953.
“He had conned over (sic) the laws of cricket, which he considered good enough no doubt for pleasure-loving English people,” wrote Mr Locker-Lampson.
“But he proposed entirely altering them for the serious-minded Teuton.”
There was speculation that due to his contempt of the game, Hitler was dismissed for a “golden duck”, although this has never been confirmed.
Still, imagine if the Germans had picked up cricket, albeit a more violent version. It’s interesting to ponder the rule changes that might have been required:
- Nobody would play for a draw any more. Total, crushing and complete victory would be the only possibility.
- No more playing off the back foot. Get forward, you cowards!
- Everyone would wear black.
- Some fielding positions would have to change. Deformities such as short leg or long leg are not tolerated in the master race.
- Wickets would be renamed “kills”.
- The running by batsmen of twos or threes would be prohibited, because that would involve a return to where you hit the ball from. A good German soldier does not retreat.
- Appeals to the umpire would involve gangs of armed thugs.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Postcard-Sized Hole On Eden Park Pitch Destroys Third Cricket Test
Controversy erupted today before the start of the third cricket test between New Zealand and Australia, when a large hole was discovered on the pitch.
Play was delayed for ten minutes this morning while the captains of the two teams argued with the umpires about what to do.
The hole was discovered by Eden Park head groundskeeper Mark Perham, just after he removed the covers this morning.
“I was shocked to find a rectangular hole in the middle of the pitch, “said Mr Perham. “I don’t know how it got there or who did this. This is an act of mindless vandalism.”
The hole, roughly the size of a postcard and about 15 centimetres deep, is located near the batting crease at the ASB Stand end of the pitch.
Australian captain Ricky Ponting said the hole would make it almost impossible for teams to bat safely or sensibly.
“The hole’s just on a length. If a ball hits the hole it could bounce up and hurt someone. This pitch is deadly.”
New Zealand captain Daniel Vettori agreed. “The pitch is ruined,” he told Sky TV. “We can’t play on this.”
But the objections of the captains were dismissed by the umpires and match officials. Umpire Terry Whiteside said the area was small and would not affect play. He ordered play to proceed.
And by lunch today Australia were in some difficulty.
Match update (lunch, day one):
Play was delayed for ten minutes this morning while the captains of the two teams argued with the umpires about what to do.
The hole was discovered by Eden Park head groundskeeper Mark Perham, just after he removed the covers this morning.
“I was shocked to find a rectangular hole in the middle of the pitch, “said Mr Perham. “I don’t know how it got there or who did this. This is an act of mindless vandalism.”
The hole, roughly the size of a postcard and about 15 centimetres deep, is located near the batting crease at the ASB Stand end of the pitch.
Australian captain Ricky Ponting said the hole would make it almost impossible for teams to bat safely or sensibly.
“The hole’s just on a length. If a ball hits the hole it could bounce up and hurt someone. This pitch is deadly.”
New Zealand captain Daniel Vettori agreed. “The pitch is ruined,” he told Sky TV. “We can’t play on this.”
But the objections of the captains were dismissed by the umpires and match officials. Umpire Terry Whiteside said the area was small and would not affect play. He ordered play to proceed.
And by lunch today Australia were in some difficulty.
Match update (lunch, day one):
Friday, March 19, 2010
What's Our Next Clever Plan?
The plan to sledge Aussie cricketer Michael Clarke in order to unsettle him worked brilliantly, didn't it?
For Australia.
For Australia.
Monday, March 15, 2010
On Sledging Michael Clarke
The Australian crioket team is worried about the sledging Michael Clarke may receive from New Zealand's players and fans during the upcoming test series.
Excuse me if I don't cry a river. Because the Australians have turned sledging into an artform.
Barbs about a player's private life may be below the belt, but it would be hard to match the past efforts of Australian players for sheer nastiness.
One such sledge is the now infamous "choo choo" directed at Chris Cairns, shortly after his sister had died in a train crash.
Sledging is a tactic directed towards putting opposition players off their game. Thankfully, our current test team is weak, so it's a tactic the Australians should not need to employ.
Excuse me if I don't cry a river. Because the Australians have turned sledging into an artform.
Barbs about a player's private life may be below the belt, but it would be hard to match the past efforts of Australian players for sheer nastiness.
One such sledge is the now infamous "choo choo" directed at Chris Cairns, shortly after his sister had died in a train crash.
Sledging is a tactic directed towards putting opposition players off their game. Thankfully, our current test team is weak, so it's a tactic the Australians should not need to employ.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Blackcaps v Australia - Full Innings Commentary - Updated
Now you can keep track of the Champions Trophy Final while you're at work, with this exciting new feature on Imperator Fish.
I will keep this page updated during the morning.
New Zealand Innings
4th over: Ahh!
19th over: No!
23rd over: Crap!
24th over: D'oh!
27th over: Ouch!
41st over: Shit!
42nd over: Bugger!
44th over: F#*k!
47th over: Sigh...
Closing comments: Doomed
Australian Innings
2nd over: Yes!
3rd over: Ooh!
4th to 34th over: No no no make the pain go away! The horror! The horror!
35th over: Yes!
36th - 38th overs: Hope turns to despair...
39th over: ...turns to hope again..
40th - 46th overs: ... before despair returns.
Closing comments: WE'RE NUMBER TWO! WE'RE NUMBER TWO!
TAKE THAT INDIA. PAKISTAN, ENGLAND, SRI LANKA, WEST INDIES AND SOUTH AFRICA!
I will keep this page updated during the morning.
New Zealand Innings
4th over: Ahh!
19th over: No!
23rd over: Crap!
24th over: D'oh!
27th over: Ouch!
41st over: Shit!
42nd over: Bugger!
44th over: F#*k!
47th over: Sigh...
Closing comments: Doomed
Australian Innings
2nd over: Yes!
3rd over: Ooh!
4th to 34th over: No no no make the pain go away! The horror! The horror!
35th over: Yes!
36th - 38th overs: Hope turns to despair...
39th over: ...turns to hope again..
40th - 46th overs: ... before despair returns.
Closing comments: WE'RE NUMBER TWO! WE'RE NUMBER TWO!
TAKE THAT INDIA. PAKISTAN, ENGLAND, SRI LANKA, WEST INDIES AND SOUTH AFRICA!
Monday, October 5, 2009
If This Is Cheating, Then Everyone Cheats
You really have to wonder why anyone would want to play cricket for Pakistan.
But are we really going to open corruption investigations every time someone drops a sitter? In that case you may as well indict the entire NZ team now and save us all future bother.
Pakistan has "form" for past nefarious activities on the cricket field, but if Younus really wanted to throw the game, planning to drop a catch would not be the safest way to go about it. It was not guaranteed that a catch would come his way. And I saw nothing else particularly unusual in the game as a whole - nothing to make me suspect match fixing, anyway.
It's debatable whether the dropped catch lost Pakistan the game. If Younus had taken the catch we would still have had wickets in hand, plenty of time to go and big hitters to come. Arguably the game was all but lost by that time. If you want the real reason for Pakistan's failure it is their batting, and the pressure some good NZ bowling put them under.
But these sorts of allegations will always occur when a Pakistani cricketer makes a costly blunder. Who'd be one?
Pakistan captain Younus Khan's dropped catch at a crucial point in yesterday's Champions Trophy cricket match against New Zealand has roused suspicions of corrupt play.I saw most of the run chase on the telly, and it was a close one until the last few overs. And the catch was a sitter. I'm not saying I'd have caught it (maybe if it had been the size of a basketball...), but then I'm not a professional cricketer. By the standards of professional cricket it was a shocker.
While strenuously denying deliberately dropping the ball, Younus conceded that the dropped catch cost his team the Champions Trophy semifinal tie in Johannesburg on Saturday.
But are we really going to open corruption investigations every time someone drops a sitter? In that case you may as well indict the entire NZ team now and save us all future bother.
Pakistan has "form" for past nefarious activities on the cricket field, but if Younus really wanted to throw the game, planning to drop a catch would not be the safest way to go about it. It was not guaranteed that a catch would come his way. And I saw nothing else particularly unusual in the game as a whole - nothing to make me suspect match fixing, anyway.
It's debatable whether the dropped catch lost Pakistan the game. If Younus had taken the catch we would still have had wickets in hand, plenty of time to go and big hitters to come. Arguably the game was all but lost by that time. If you want the real reason for Pakistan's failure it is their batting, and the pressure some good NZ bowling put them under.
But these sorts of allegations will always occur when a Pakistani cricketer makes a costly blunder. Who'd be one?
Monday, August 24, 2009
Dingo BBQ Time
Right now it must really suck to be Australian.
1. The All Blacks pile on the Blediswoe with a 78th minute penalty kick by Dan Carter. I watched the game in a bar at Wairakei Resort. I was down there on a work team-bonding thing. I can report that there were no group hug sessions; nor were there any falling-down trust exercises. Would anyone really trust a fellow lawyer to catch them?
After the game I sought out Australian company. I knew they were hurting and needed consolation.
Sadly there were very Australians in the vicinity to go "na-na-na-na-na" at.
2. Then they lose the Ashes. This one is well deserved. as there has been an unjustifiable arrogance about the Australian outfit for some time.
Arrogance will get you far when you're Shane Warne or Glenn McGrath.
But the current lot have a shortage of world-class players. Ponting is perhaps not the wrecker of bowling attacks he was a couple of seasons ago, and the other batsmen are no more than useful. Their bowling attack is decidedly average. And Pointing has never appealed to me as a good captain.
The Australian team would still wipe the floor with the New Zealand team. Of course, only the most foolhardy Black Caps supporter would ever claim our team was anything other than mediocre. But it's hard to accept mediocrity when you're used to something better. Which is why the Australian sporting public must be hurting right now.
But if you're an Australia supporter and all of that made you feel ill, can I suggest you don't check in to this hospital?
1. The All Blacks pile on the Blediswoe with a 78th minute penalty kick by Dan Carter. I watched the game in a bar at Wairakei Resort. I was down there on a work team-bonding thing. I can report that there were no group hug sessions; nor were there any falling-down trust exercises. Would anyone really trust a fellow lawyer to catch them?
After the game I sought out Australian company. I knew they were hurting and needed consolation.
Sadly there were very Australians in the vicinity to go "na-na-na-na-na" at.
2. Then they lose the Ashes. This one is well deserved. as there has been an unjustifiable arrogance about the Australian outfit for some time.
Arrogance will get you far when you're Shane Warne or Glenn McGrath.
But the current lot have a shortage of world-class players. Ponting is perhaps not the wrecker of bowling attacks he was a couple of seasons ago, and the other batsmen are no more than useful. Their bowling attack is decidedly average. And Pointing has never appealed to me as a good captain.
The Australian team would still wipe the floor with the New Zealand team. Of course, only the most foolhardy Black Caps supporter would ever claim our team was anything other than mediocre. But it's hard to accept mediocrity when you're used to something better. Which is why the Australian sporting public must be hurting right now.
But if you're an Australia supporter and all of that made you feel ill, can I suggest you don't check in to this hospital?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)